Finding myself...

I knew going into this quest that finding myself was going to be a hard thing to do. I have been married for nine years and have a wonderful husband and two beautiful little girls but I want to be known for more that just being a wife and a mother. Don't get me wrong, these two things are wonderful accomplishments but the thing is that I forgot who I am. I know that I love to sell things but the thing is that I don't know who I am and I think that has something to do with my anxiety and depression.

How can someone forget who they are? I feel so lost sometimes. Work gets my mind off of it for a little while but I don't want to be in a dead end job forever. I want more for my family and for myself. Am I wrong for this?

When I was growing up, the majority of my memories of my mother were of her being at work. She was there for things like Chorus shows but when it came to being able to go and do things as a family, it was my brother, myself and my grandparents more that it was with her. I don't want my children to have the memories of me not being there for them. I love being with my kids. I am not looking for something where I can just not ever have to do anything to make money again. I just want something that I can be proud of. Something that is mine. Something that when my kids see it can say, "my mommy did this." My husband is a carpenter and there are houses all over the area that we live that we can drive around and see that he built. What have I done? I have tried college and had to quit to go back to work. Working ten hour days for nine dollars an hour is not my idea of the perfect life.

I am chronicling my quest for self exploration. My goal is to either find myself or at the least redefine myself. I know that I am not the same person that I was ten years ago but at least I can figure out who I have grown into being.

Wish me luck.